Area man Timothy Berg, 70, has been called before the elder board to “explain his actions” after word got out that he’s just been put on the waiting list for a hip replacement. “I hear they might have ...

A trucker’s convoy-worth of sunflower seeds are on their way to Toronto this week to meet the demand of baseball fans in the GTA. “We’re basically just having them dump it in Sankofa Square,” said ...

The L.A. Dodgers are thanking a Mennonite baseball fan this week for dropping his delicious cottage cheese perogy into the outfield, which cost the Toronto Blue Jays a potential series-winning run in ...

The White House is fuming this week after the government of Ontario used the image of beloved Family Ties character Alex P. Keaton to promote an anti-tariff message. “Tariffs are a longstanding ...

After an apparent gaff in running an ad that accurately represented Ronald Reagan’s views on tariffs, Ontario Premier Doug Ford is now asking the Blue Jays to “let them have this one,” in an effort to ...

Alberta Premier Danielle Smith held a massive bonfire outside the provincial legislative building this week to destroy any remaining copies of the Constitution of Canada. “Had my goons find every copy ...

Abbotsford woman Stephanie Friesen has come under a hailstorm of controversy this week after apparently bringing the west coast’s rainy weather with her to Winnipeg. “I haven’t used an umbrella in ...

Pastor Dave of South Leamington Mennonite Church is gearing up for his longest sermon yet this upcoming Sunday. “You can’t say I didn’t warn you,” said Pastor Dave, “but those Blue Jays are such an ...

Area man Jeremy Goerzen, 41, slowed way down on Highway 2 near Balzac this week as he saw what he believed was a cop approaching in the distance. “Oh, jeez, better ease off the gas there a bit, eh, ...

Thousands of Mennonites in southern Ontario have refused to join in on the festivities this evening after local pastors preached vehemently against the ‘Worldly Series’s this past Sunday. “I don’t ...

Desperate the quell a rising tide of angry Mennonite voters, the White House clarified this afternoon that the new ballroom would not be used for dancing. “Only faspas and quilt auctions,” said press ...

Area man Larry Enns, 51, normally swears off sports completely, but for some reason is really into the Blue Jays this evening. “I’ll be on the edge of my seat,” said Enns. “Rance Mulliniks is playing ...